Can't Get Anywhere
by idkgirl27
Summary: It should have been obvious because of course Butters would care, he's always cared. That still doesn't stop the pang in Dougie's heart caused partially from Butters' kind words and partially because Butters called him a friend. Bougie/Dotters Butters/Dougie


**A/N: Hi!**

**So I've been slowing down on one shots as of late in order to update my multi chaps and while I'm still in the process of updating I've had so many ideas for one shots that I couldn't help but write at least one down.**

**This is my first Butters/Dougie fic and the first time I've used Dougie in a fic. He's real cute, you know?**

**Especially him and Butters 3**

**I guess you could call their ship name either Bougie or Dotters. I'm choosing Dotters because it makes me think of polk-a-dots and polk-a-dots are pretty adorable.**

**Oh, just in case you forgot Dougie is two years younger than the other boys!**

**This fic isn't too Dotters ish though…. However I'll probably write some fluff for them some other time with them actually being together.**

**Okay, okay this author's note is getting long but I really, REALLY want to say one more thing…**

**Holy macaroni, I got the Stick of Truth and it's just so fucking amazing that it's practically orgasmic 3 3 3**

**I was so excited, I've been waiting for so long and in October I pre ordered it in full and got myself the Grand Wizard edition. It was so painful just waiting for it especially how Matt and Trey laughed at us the whole time during the Black Friday trilogy for waiting for this game, especially at the end of the trilogy. Seriously I'm pretty sure I cried a couple times because of them but now it's all okay because I have it and am so fucking happy and just… GOSH!**

**Anyways it's cute 3 and amazing 3 and 3 3 3**

**Well I should probably leave you all alone now…..**

**Please read and please enjoy :)**

He reaches to tug the back of his shirt down even though he knows that it hasn't ridden up. He's also worried about getting grass stains on his jeans but when he looks down at his legs they're still covered by the solid darkness of the denim. It's times like these that Dougie wishes he could just stop caring, that he could stop running his fingers through his hair in an attempt to calm his mess of red curls, stop thinking about the new freckles forming under the sun's heat and joining the ones that are already scattered across his face, and stop readjusting his glasses that slide down his nose every time he moves his head.

Dougie sighs and looks up from his lap to the blonde boy lying down on the grass in front of him. If anyone has a right to be anxious and over analytical about every little thing and it's consequence than its Butters. His parents are much stricter than Dougie's and are so nit-picky that it's a wonder that Butters isn't paranoia in its human form. Butters' light blue cardigan is bound to get stained by the dark grass underneath him and hidden in his hair are blades of grass but Butters doesn't mind because it feels good to just bask in the sunlight and the grass tickles his skin. Dougie just wants to reach over and take out each blade, wants to rearrange the strands of hair that have been carelessly strewn by the wind.

He's been Butters' sidekick for so long that this desire to help is now automatic. While Butters is so easily distracted by his plots of destruction, Dougie has always stood back and waited for his direction just shaking his head in silence as every single plan of Butters failed. He remembers when they first became partners and he'd try to tell the blonde that his approach to evil could use some improvement. Dougie had always been smart, much smarter than Butters, and he had so many ideas in mind on how they could take control of a society that had shunned them. However Dougie never shared his own thoughts because it was obvious to him that, try as he might, Butters didn't have it in him to carry out any of his plans to the end. It was irritating because that was the reason they became friends to begin with. Butters had always been friendly to Dougie before then but Butters was friendly to all the younger kids while his classmates had always bullied. His kindness captivated him when they were younger, in fact it still does, and Dougie is glad that it was never tainted or more accurately that he wasn't the one to destroy Butters' innocence.

Whenever Butters and Dougie weren't playing as Professor Chaos and General Disarray he would sometimes spot Butters with his other friends, four boys that never paid Dougie any attention except when calling him a Melvin. Out of these boys there was one in particular that Butters spent the most time with. Back then Dougie didn't even know his name, he'd hear the other children call him fatass and that was how he was thought of in his mind because that boy definitely had weight issues and since he wasn't nice Dougie felt no need to address him by anything else.

So for a few years Dougie went on with his life, spending time with Butters when he was available, and never bothering to learn the name of that boy. Then one day he saw Butters standing alone at Starks Pond, his blonde head looking down and arms wrapped around himself. He hadn't spoken to Butters for a while since Butters was finishing his last year at middle school and Dougie was finishing up his last year at elementary school. It would have been easy for Dougie to just walk away, he hadn't been noticed yet and there was nothing being expected of him, the two didn't even go to the same school anymore, but still there something in Dougie that directed him to the other boy.

As he reached his side and asked what was wrong Butters finally looked up but he wasn't the same Butters from childhood. The changes were subtle and had yet to really set in but Dougie was always one to note everything and he could already see the potential in Butters, large aqua eyes, rosy cheeks with an otherwise pale complexion, pale blonde hair, and a small frame. Dougie had always blamed his disinterest in girls on his age but Butters made it clear to him that there was never any interest in girls and there never was going to be any. Butters was already prettier than anyone else Dougie had come across and he felt a bit stupid that he never noticed Butters in that sense before. The rise in his heart beat came to a halt when he finally saw the tears building up in those blue eyes.

"Butters are you alright?"

The blonde bit down on his lip, sniffling and trying his best to blink away the tears.

"I'm j-just waitin' on someone but they h-haven't shown up yet…."

Even though the two hadn't had interaction in a long time Dougie had still been aware of the fact that Butters still had few people that he could talk to. As children Dougie had considered himself to be Butters only real friend, the other boys never gave the blonde much of a chance and had only ever used him for their own amusement. Dougie had felt bad about this but every time he had tried to convince Butters to dump them he'd respond with a variety of reasons, defending those who he owed nothing to.

"Is it someone I know?"

Chances were that Dougie probably wouldn't know the person because all the people who Butters spoke with weren't Dougie's age and the red head had never been cool enough in the older kid's opinion to earn their attention.

"Uh, I…. I th-think s-so. I'm waitin' for Eric…."

"Is that the kid that everyone calls fatass?"

It was simple question and Dougie had thought nothing of it but the way Butters' eyes narrowed, the way they darkened, made his breath catch in his throat.

"D-don't ever c-call him that again. His name is Eric."

The lack of his signature stutter in his last statement only brings emphasis to his words and Dougie just nods.

"I'll, uh, remember that. Were you supposed to like meet up with him or something?"

Butters starts wringing his wrists and it's only then does Dougie suddenly consider that once annoying trait to be endearing.

"Yeah, s-somethin' happened an' we were gonna t-talk but he never sh-showed up…."

Dougie wants to reach over to Butters, maybe even give him a hug or at least a pat on the back. He wants to ask what happened and what he can do to help but he never makes his move and the words never leave his lips.

It takes a moment for him to register that there's someone else with them. He turns his head and by his side is that boy, Eric.

Eric's grown up too since the last time that Dougie's seen him. He's still overweight but it doesn't seem as severe as it did when he had been in elementary school because he's gotten taller. He couldn't be much older than 14 or so but he's already so intimidating just looming over the other two boys. He's out of breath, his cheeks flushed and his forehead covered in a thin layer of sweat, wherever he came from he had come running and he takes a moment to just breathe before locking eyes with Butters.

The change in the atmosphere is sudden and it's just like how it was when they were little, Butters with Dougie or Butters with Eric. Two separate universes that had only collided once when they were little and playing, Butters and Dougie taking on the roles of Professor Chaos and General Disarray versus this newly named Eric. That's the only time Dougie remembers interacting with him and he doesn't even remember what Eric's super hero name had been but even then it wasn't really an interaction because the second Eric had appeared Butters cast Dougie aside to join forces with him. Butters never really offered an excuse, had just told Dougie that he was going to play with his other friend and Dougie had gone home not quite understanding why it hurt so much to be ignored.

Even though Eric and Dougie had never talked to each other Dougie was still aware of the kind of person that he was, had heard the horror stories from the other kids and even Butters himself had told him things that had been done to him by Eric.

As innocent as Butters was it seemed that Eric was just as corrupted. While Dougie had done his best to preserve Butters kindness it was Eric that repeatedly exposed him to the sorts of things that Dougie had been keeping Butters away from.

Eric is bad, plain and simple, but Dougie can't see it, at least not now. The brunette's eyes actually seem warm as he looks down at Butters and Dougie knows deep down that what he had felt earlier while looking at the blonde, that rush that had left him with a loss of words, is exactly what Eric is feeling.

"Butters…."

There's a softness, a breathlessness, to his voice that Dougie never would have expected from someone like Eric and he can feel his heart stop again in anticipation for what would happen next.

He doesn't get to hear that voice again.

Instead Eric turns to him suddenly and all the venom that Dougie had been searching for is evident in both his eyes and his voice.

"What the fuck are you doing here, kid? Get your ass out of here!"

Dougie's head turns quickly to Butters but the blonde isn't looking at him, his blue eyes still staring up at Eric, and Dougie wants to say something but he can't think of what. He just knows that whatever Eric is planning on telling him he doesn't want Butters to know but his thoughts aren't coming to him and the physical threat of Eric sends him scurrying off.

It's that day that Dougie is certain he fell in some sort of love with Butters but that's also the day that Butters started smiling a little more, being more carefree.

He's still not sure what happened then or what they spoke about but whatever it was it's changed something in Butters and he spends almost every second of his day with Eric. There's rumors going around school but nothing's ever been confirmed and Butters has never told anything to Dougie about his relationship with Eric.

When Dougie finally entered high school Butters was already a junior but despite that still talked to Dougie.

Dougie remembers getting lost on his first day of high school and how none of the other kids were willing to help him it was by chance that Butters walked by and he was quick to show Dougie to his class. Butters even let Dougie sit with him at lunch, even though none of his friends wanted a freshman at the table, splitting a bag of potato chips with him and giving Dougie advice on how to get through high school. Once again Dougie was captivated, was in awe of Butters and once again the blonde had no idea.

Though they were back to being friends Dougie started seeing less and less of Butters and the blonde was now around only if Eric wasn't available.

That's why they're hanging out now, a year later and Butters getting ready to graduate high school in a few months. Dougie isn't sure where Butters will be going next, has been too afraid to ask him because it just seems so cruel and unfair to him. It doesn't help that Butters has only gotten even more beautiful and seemingly kinder. Though it wouldn't really matter whether or not Butters will be leaving South Park when he graduates or whether or not he has something with Eric because if Butters was to ever show any interest in him Dougie wouldn't know what to do with himself. He's just a kid, still watches Saturday morning cartoons while eating fruit loops and though Butters probably still does the same there's something so effortless about the blonde that makes him so far out of Dougie's league. Dougie thinks that Butters is out of Eric's league as well, even if puberty had been more than good to him causing him to pass the 6 foot mark and giving him a devilishly charming face. Dougie's pretty sure that his done with puberty and isn't getting any taller than he already is, which at 5' 5" is a couple inches taller than Butters but Dougie's nowhere near looking even half as good, his body is still pudgy, his hair's a constant mess, he's got freckles and glasses and it seems to him that life couldn't get any worse for him.

That is until warm smile stretches across Butters' face and his eyes open wide staring up into the sky above him.

"It sure is n-nice out here today ain't it?"

"Yeah, I guess."

Actually Dougie has been hating being outside, it's too windy and too sunny but now just because Butters thinks so Dougie is finding it to be a beautiful day.

"What have ya been th-thinkin' 'bout?"

Butters turns his head and now his smile isn't for the weather anymore but for Dougie, who's feeling his blood rushing through his veins and a dizziness in his head.

"Nothing really."

"I'm not so that I b-believe ya, Dougie, you've got that face ya make whenever ya st-start thinkin' too much. Ya really oughtta relax more. You're always so st-stressed out. I worry for ya."

"You…. You do?"

Butters twists his body so that he's lying on his side, his head's resting on one arm and his other hand playing with some grass while he looks up at Dougie.

"Well, of course, I do. You're one of my oldest fr-friends ya know."

It should have been obvious because of course Butters would care, he's always cared. That still doesn't stop the pang in Dougie's heart caused partially from Butters' kind words and partially because Butters called him a friend.

"I know and you've been a good friend too and I….. I care about you too."

It's been four years since Dougie's realized that he's in love with Butters and in those four years that's the closest that he's ever gotten to confessing.

"Aww, Dougie. That's r-real sweet of ya to s-say."

Dougie can feel his face burn and he's trying his best to stop it but the way that Butters just smiles even more at him only makes his blush more obvious.

He doesn't say anything back, he just wants to let this moment sink in but then Butters sits up, pulls his knees to his chest and stares at Dougie.

"Jeez, I can't b-believe it's only two more m-months till I graduate. That's pr-pretty crazy to th-think 'bout, huh?"

Actually it would more accurate to say that it hurts to think about at least in Dougie's case. He's been dreading this conversation but he wants to know, needs to know.

"What are you going to do once you're finished with high school?"

Butters mind seems to wander off for a moment and he pauses before continuing.

"Well, Eric an' me are plannin' on startin' a business. I can't tell ya 'bout it but I'm real excited. He's gonna be the boss and I'll be doin' the finances an' I just know that it's gonna be a whole lot of fun."

Dougie can feel the pit in his stomach expand. Butters has never said anything about what Eric and him are to one another but the little smile he gets when he talks about him makes it painfully obvious to Dougie.

"That's cool, I guess, but are you staying here for college or-"

"Oh, Eric an' I ain't gonna go to c-college. We've got everythin' figured out already all we need to do is j-just wait till we graduate an' then we can go."

His heart stops and Dougie isn't so sure he wants to know anymore, he wants to go back to not knowing any of this but the words leave his mouth before he can prepare himself for an answer.

"Where are you going?"

"I can't tell ya. Th-that's another secret between me an' Eric."

Dougie can feel himself falling apart piece by piece but he doesn't want to break down, not in front of Butters because it wouldn't get him anywhere and wouldn't get him Butters.

If he were to start crying, if he were to confess now it would only make Butters feel guilty, guilty for never figuring out Dougie's feelings, guilty for hurting Dougie without knowing but mostly guilty for not loving him back and for loving someone else.

Maybe if Eric was still evil, if he was still hurting Butters than maybe Dougie could change his mind, convince Butters to stay. That can't work though because even if Eric is still mean spirited and judgmental he's calmed down a lot thanks to Butters and even if whatever sort of relationship they may have is a secret Eric is better to the blonde and is perhaps the only person besides Dougie that actually cares about Butters.

It's useless, feeling this way for Butters but still that doesn't make his feelings go away and that might be the worst part. Dougie, who has always prided himself on his logic and has always been the one to see the obvious can't stop this pain.

Instead of saying any of the things that he's been wanting to say these past four years Dougie wills himself to smile at the boy sitting across from him.

"I'm happy for you."

It's painful to say but it's true. Dougie's happy that Butters has finally found someone who accepts him, another outcast, someone who's been shunned by society.

He just wishes that it could have been him.

**A/N: Jeez, a bit depressing, huh?**

**Oh, but I love Dougie so I will eventually give him Butters to keep and love forever and ever and ever 3**

**For now though he's all alone :(**

**Reviews are appreciated and returned with so much love that you might just get cooties 3 3 3**

**Thanks for reading! 3 3 3**


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